It's a planet visiting, native meeting
by Tittamiire
Summary: Written for the Women of the Gates Ficathon. Vala finds out about Christmas.


Title: It's a planet visiting, native meeting, cell escaping, cannibal avoiding time of year.  
Rating: Gen  
Pairings: None  
Warnings: ChristmasFic  
Word Count: 4864  
Prompt/Summary: Written for the Women of the Gates ficathon. Vala finds out about Christmas.

"This is what I'm talking about. I am getting sick of those Colorado winters, there's far too much snow on those mountains," Cam commented as he stepped down from the Stargate and onto the distinctly idyllic tropical sand dunes. In one direction the surf rolled gently onto soft golden sand and in the other palm trees swayed in the warm sea breeze.

"I give it ten minutes," Daniel said.

Sam looked around and considered the beach, "I dunno. It's pretty quiet. I'd say forty."

"Twenty five," Teal'c added solemnly.

Cam shook his head, "You know, other teams take bets on what exciting things they'll find on a strange new world."

"A beautiful tropical beach? There is no way this mission is going anywhere other than to the dogs," Daniel informed him.

"...or up the creek," Sam suggested.

"Without one's paddle."

Cam shook his head again and walked towards the trees, "Everyone's a pessimist."

"There's a path, but I am pretty sure the gate no longer plays an active role in the culture here."

"Let's go see if Origin does," Cam suggested as he took point through the trees.

"You're got the wrong attitude to winter Cam," Sam admonished after only a few steps. There was no way she was going to let the earlier statement about Colorado winters slide.

"And I'm sick of it. It's cold and there is far too much snow,"

"You did grow up in Kansas right?" Daniel checked.

"Yeah and then I joined the Air Force with the promise of travel around the world. Home is a place to _visit _during the winter."

"You're going about it the wrong way. Get yourself a snowmobile and a decent snowboard and you'll start enjoying the weather more," Sam suggested.

"I fail to see how either of those would improve the winter," Vala commented.

Cam grinned and ducked under a branch, "I'm with Vala on this one."

"You've hardly been outside the mountain Vala," Sam protested.

"Why would I want to go out in that weather? I don't usually stay on any planet during winter," Vala weighted her voice with the suggestion that they were all damned lucky she'd chosen to stay on earth this time.

Sam shook her head slowly, "Next weekend I am taking you snowmobiling." She addressed the comment to Cam, but it was Vala who wrinkled her nose.

"You are not getting me on one of those things."

"Now, why aren't more planets like this?" Cam asked as the small village at the foot of a large and crumbling Goa'uld temple came into view. It consisted of a scattering of huts between the trees and they could see people and animals milling around. The sun was shining on the clearing and smoke from cooking fires was curling into the air. It was an idyllic tropical paradise.

"Well we've gone past the ten minute mark, I'm out," Daniel informed them with a glance at his watch.

"C'mon, let's go make some new friends," Sam said as she stepped down from the treeline towards the village.

XXXX

It wasn't a prison or a jail. The room didn't even look like it was used normally. Weather and time had covered the floor in sand and debris, but it was small and it still had a solid wooden door that could be forced shut and bolted from the outside, which the villagers did with glances of fear and much muttering. There was a narrow gap near the ceiling that allowed in the hint of a sea breeze and the tantalisingly close sounds of the jungle, but was no where near big enough to allow anything broader than a hand out.

"You need to work on your interpersonal skills Sam," Cam suggested.

"Me? Daniel's the anthropologist."

"My powers of persuasion pale in the face of 'believe or die,'" Daniel protested.

"You know the village was a lot less picturesque up close," Cam said as he began to wander around the room and examine it.

"You had time to look around as we were ambushed, disarmed and frog-marched into here?" Vala asked.

"The piles of human skulls caught my eye," Daniel commented almost as an aside as he ran a hand down a wall.

"Mine as well," Teal'c added gravely.

Sam looked at the door that had just been shut behind them. "I can't pick bolts," Sam said to herself.

"The mortar is in a state," Cam noted with a gentle kick at the wall.

"Well it is centuries old sandstone," Daniel remarked, defensive on the temples behalf.

"I mean, we could get probably get one of these blocks out."

"Better than waiting for the Prior for whatever action it is that the locals decide to take," Daniel conceded.

"This wall," Sam said, pointing at the one that led both to the outside and away from the village so they could escape without being seen.

"Two man shifts?" Daniel suggested and they all nodded wearily.

The guys looked around the cell for tools, Sam reached into her vest pocket and pulled out a toothbrush and Vala didn't move at all. Cam looked at the brush, "You carry your toothbrush in your vest?"

"And you'd be surprised how often I get to keep it. I have a spare in my pack too," She explained as she sat down cross legged in front of the first block, grabbed the bristle end of the brush and started to use the handle to scrape at the loose and crumbling mortar between the stones. Cam found a stick and thus solved who would make up the first shift of mortar scraping. He sat on the floor next to Sam and got to work.

"Home in time for Christmas," Cam commented brightly as he dislodged a satisfyingly large chunk of mortar.

"I've heard mention of this 'Christmas' several times on the base. Is it yet another of your planets seemingly endless annual celebrations?" Vala piped up.

"Err, yeah," Cam said with a glance at Sam, "It's kinda the big one."

Vala pushed herself up from where she had been lounging and wandered around the room, "What does this one entail?"

"Daniel can explain it better," Cam said.

"I can?"

"I'm kinda busy," Cam gestured to the wall.

Daniel sighed loudly and then began, "Christmas is a Christian mid-winter festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus, their Messiah. It is unknown what time of year he was actually born, but Christmas gradually came to usurp the pagan midwinter festivals of Yule and Dies Natalis Solis Invicti. Various elements of the original pagan festivals were absorbed into the rituals of Christmas creating an interesting mix of customs that persists to the present day. Yule was a celebration of the turn of the seasons and a precious indulgence of good food during the scarcity of winter and this continued on when it got taken over by Christmas, which had a naturally more religious focus. It wasn't until the 1800s that a festival of something we'd recognise as Christmas existed. It was popularised as a festival focused on family and compassion by writers at the time and those sentiments continue. In recent decades it has become a far more commercial event. One of the main characters of Christmas, other than Jesus, is known as Santa Claus, Father Christmas, St Nicolas, Kris Kringle, Sinterklaas and several other names and he is a gift bearer who leaves gifts in homes over night around Christmas. There are many traditions surrounding Christmas, but in general decorations, excessive consumption of food and drink and the giving and receiving of gifts feature in most people's definitions."

"Bad music, don't forget the bad music," Sam supplied helpfully.

"Gifts?" Vala asked hopefully.

"What?" Cam sounded horrified, "That's not Christmas."

"Oh?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, you gave a history lecture. That's not Christmas. It's more than that," Cam waved his twig to emphasise his point.

Daniel folded his arms, "Then feel free."

"Christmas is about getting together with your family and having a really good time. It is a time to forget about work and just focus on family. My Grandma would cook the most delicious Christmas dinners, but we weren't allowed to eat or even open our gifts until after church. Those Christmas morning masses were some of the longest ever," Cam said brightly. "But we'd always get together at Christmas, no matter what and that's what Christmas is all about. It's the best time of the year when you're a kid," Cam declared brightly, "For a week the world is a perfect place. Then when you're a grown up its all about keeping the magic going." He spoke earnestly and when Sam glanced sideways she could see the shine in his eyes of a childhood full of kept promises. She was happy for him, so she kept quiet. Daniel didn't say anything either for his own reasons. For several minutes the only sound in the room was the scrape scrape of stick and plastic on loose mortar.

"What was the bit about gifts?"

Daniel groaned, but began with good nature, "Christmas in many countries contains a mythological paternal gift giving figure. The stories differ widely from culture to culture, but in the US it is Santa Claus. He is an overweight old man with a long white beard and a red fur trimmed outfit who flies through the sky on a sled pulled by flying reindeer, lands on your roof, crawls down the chimney and leaves gifts under the tree for children."

There was silence again, Cam looked sideways at Sam and grinned. She could almost hear the cogs in Vala's brain working on that one.

"He does what?" she asked eventually.

"It's a story," Daniel said before Vala could go on.

"As stories go, it's one of the weirder ones I've ever heard and that's saying something on your planet."

"It's for children," Daniel went on. "They are generally told that Santa will only bring them presents if they're good and that he keeps a track of their behaviour throughout the year."

"You know, Ori could really do with something like Christmas," Cam commented before Vala could delve into the next round of questions.

"Think about it. Its all prostration, believe, evangelise or die. Where's the party? Where's the carrot? It's all stick."

"I don't think the Ori need any more ideas," Daniel suggested.

"I'm just saying the religion could do with some work."

Sam raised an eyebrow at him and Cam grinned innocently and accidentally on purpose flicked a largish block of mortar in her direction so that it fell apart into her lap.

"Not to ruin the atmosphere," Vala declared from the far side of the room, "But you might want to get a move on."

Sam glanced over her shoulder to see that Vala had gripped the edge of the gap near the ceiling and pulled herself up to peer out of it.

"What do you mean?" Daniel asked, already standing up and joining Vala. Teal'c joined them and for a moment three heads blocked out most of the light into the cell. She and Cam stopped scraping briefly to await whatever it was Vala had seem.

"It looks like some kind of preparation, a ritual of some kind," Daniel added thoughtfully.

"It's a big ritual," Vala added.

"Care to enlighten us guys?" Cam asked.

"There seems to be a large fire being built in the centre of the village," Teal'c advised.

"With a couple of a-frames either side," Vala said with her head on one side.

There was silence while they processed this and then Sam picked up her toothbrush once again and resumed scraping.

"I don't care what they're doing a large fire can't mean anything good for us," Cam declared and also resumed demolishing the mortar with renewed vigour.

"Ritualised exocannibalism isn't common on earth. What accounts there have been were largely exaggerated in order to justify slavery," Daniel mused.

"Cannibalism? Who mentioned Cannibalism?" Cam protested.

"I need a longer toothbrush," Sam commented as the plastic handle merely glanced off the next lump of mortar. Daniel tapped her on the shoulder with a longer stick and indicated that she should move out of the way. Sam moved out of the way and brushed the lumps of mortar from her lap as she watched Daniel get to work on their way out. Cam relinquished his spot to Teal'c and rubbed his sore hands thoughtfully.

"It isn't going to take that long."

"To get the mortar out, we've still got to move the stone and then get out," Sam added, busy estimating times and working out quite how to do everything. She wandered over to the far wall and stood on her toes to peer out through the gap. It really was a large fire. She relaxed and sat down against the wall instead.

There was silence for a few minutes, broken only by the sound of Teal'c and Daniel working.

"How does a bearded fat man get down a chimney to leave presents? Most chimneys aren't that wide. What about homes without chimneys? Do the reindeer damage the roof?" Vala asked.

"Only children believe in Santa," Sam told her. "Reindeer don't fly and no one climbs down chimneys, except the occasional over enthusiastic and ill advised parent."

"But why make it quite so unrealistic and far fetched? Surely children would believe more easily if it was at least vaguely realistic."

"Its fun. It's a ritual that's been around for a long time and I guess different bits have come from different cultures and stories," Sam sat down against the wall and watched Daniel and Teal'c work. She rubbed her hands absentmindedly, massaging the soreness from the muscles.

"A lot of Christmas is rituals," Cam explained.

"Ritual is important," Daniel said distractedly from the wall, "It's an expression of culture. Its a way of remembering to do things that are important. Over time sometimes the original reason fades away while the activity still remains. It differentiates us from animals and from other groups of humans. Its about cementing identity through shared activity."

"Again with the lecture," Cam muttered.

"About these gifts," Vala repeated. "Is it like birthdays?"

"No," said Cam, "Well it's Jesus' birthday, but he isn't exactly around to receive them so everyone gives each other presents, except kids, they just receive them."

"You have to give to receive," Sam pointed out, already predicting Vala's thoughts. "Other people will only give you gifts if you give them."

Vala frowned, "Everyone?"

"No, that bit is like birthdays. People you know well," Sam explained. She watched Daniel shift around to probe in deeper around the stone with his stick. The mortar was falling out in largish chunks still and it probably wouldn't be much longer.

"Right," Vala said sounding like she was filing the facts away. She was quiet for a few seconds and then spoke carefully, "So you get together with family and friends, have lots of good food and give everyone presents?"

Cam looked impressed, "I think she's got it, the basics anyway."

Vala frowned, but went quiet yet again.

"I think we've got all the mortar out," Daniel announced with a couple of more pokes in the gaps.

"Pushing time," Cam declared. Teal'c moved to sit on the floor with his feet against the stone and pushed with his feet. The stone shifted a centimeter or so with a shower of dust, but move it did. Cam and Sam sat down and lent their legs to the task.

"So Christmas is the same as every other annual celebration on your planet, in that it is focused around spending time with loved ones, eating and drinking in excess and has its own unique set of ritualised activity," Vala ticked the components off on her fingers as she spoke.

Cam frowned thoughtfully and looked like he was attempting to find the right words. He failed and merely shook his head. Sam couldn't help smiling.

"Yes," Vala exclaimed on behalf of all of them when the stone finally moved and fell out of the wall on the far side.

"Ladies first," Cam suggested.

"I believe it may be Ladies only," Teal'c advised with a tilt of his head towards the hole in the wall. Sam cocked her head and examined it thoughtfully. He had a point.

"Well this is a cliché," Vala concluded as they looked at the hole they'd created in the wall. "Shall we handily narrow shouldered women crawl through and rescue the hulking males?"

"We could get another stone out, it'll be easier than the first," Cam suggested.

"We should at least try to fit through," Daniel could be more optimistic without the finely honed spatial awareness that Cam, Sam and Teal'c possessed.

"Be my guest," Sam suggested, already working out how long it would take them to get a second stone out or what problems she and Vala might encounter in walking round to let the guys out.

He frowned slightly and crouched down to wriggle through the hole. There were a few minutes of attempts as he tried different body parts first and different ways up. Eventually he gave up and crawling back, dusty, tired, but satisfied that he really couldn't crawl through.

"We should work on the second stone from both sides," Sam came up with. "Speed the process up and then at least we're not all trapped inside should the Prior arrive."

The plan passed and Sam stripped her vest and jacket off and crawled out of the hole. It was a tight fit, but she made it. Someone handed through her vest and jacket and then Vala followed almost effortlessly. They were back in the sandy forest and surrounded by trees and the noise of a multitude of birds.

"This one," Cam yelled through the hole with a wave towards the stone to the right of the hole.

"Got it," Sam called back and grabbed a stick from the ground outside the temple to begin getting the next stone out.

"Are you going to help?" She asked Vala who finally picked up a stick and got to work.

"You know that whole Santa thing," She said as she prodded and probed. She sounded like the thought had come from a long way.

"Er, yes?"

"It's creepy"

"It's a fantasy."

"One apparently perpetuated by adults to fulfill their own ideas about the world being a better place than it really is."

"It's more than that, it's a good story. You heard Cam speaking about how excited he was as a kid. I was the same for a few Christmases when I was younger. When Mom, Dad and Mark were all there and at least two of my Grandparents were still alive. One year I wanted this fire truck so badly that I thought I would explode with trying to be 'good' for what felt like forever, but was in reality only a few weeks. It was really cool, you could sit on it and ride around and there was a ladder and everything. Anyway, the anticipation and the excitement were unbearable at the time, but now it's a very fond memory."

"But Christmases after that?"

Sam bobbed her head in a 'yeah yeah' way, "I know, some weren't so good, but the point I am trying to make is that was one of the best days of my childhood."

"Would the truth be so much harder? Tell kids they'll get presents anyway. Do away with the creepy old man and the supposed judgment," Vala asked.

"It's complicated," Sam said lightly.

"Yeah, your culture is a little messed up," Vala commented, holding her thumb and forefinger up to indicate the little.

"Most earth religions and cultures have some form of mid-winter festival. It's not surprising that they've all got a little mixed up."

"Creepy old man with a beard breaking into peoples houses?"

Sam grinned, "That is pretty messed up." She jabbed at the edge of the stone again and scraped at the mortar on her side of the stone.

"What do you guys do? I mean, Daniel has explained Christmas in general and Cam and you have explained Christmases from your childhood, but what about now?"

"Not a whole lot. I go see Mark and family some time around Christmas, at least the last few years. I spent a lot of the last nine years with Cassie on Christmas day," She didn't mention 'and Janet' because Vala hadn't known her, "but she's in Africa right now of course."

Vala smiled at that, "An alien teaching English."

"I think she's built a school too, or part of one at least."

"And Cam?"

Sam shrugged, "I think he's going to see his family."

"Daniel?"

"He doesn't really 'do' Christmas," Sam said simply.

"Teal'c?"

"He goes with whatever flow might be going."

"Hmm," Vala frowned and stabbed at the mortar. She lapsed into silence for a while, but Sam could see the cogs whirring.

"I've read the Christian Bible, The Jewish Bible and the Koran," She eventually announced.

Sam couldn't help raising her eyebrows at that. Vala didn't miss the look, but she chose to ignore it.

"Are you aware that the three largest religions on your planet worship an all powerful being who appears to have mood swings and fits of pique? I mean, he wiped out all life once yet there is much mention of his benevolence,"

"I haven't examined it all that closely."

"It's very....human," Vala said thoughtfully.

Sam smiled and prodded away. There was a quiet working silence broken only by the scrape of sticks on stone from both sides of the wall.

"I think we can shift this," Sam declared eventually with an experimental tug. She stuck her head through the hole.

"Try giving it a push Teal'c," she suggested.

There was a tense silence and Vala watched the stone intently for a long minute before it slowly shifted in a scraping of stone. Sam steadied it into a controlled thump onto the sandy soil.

"Now we're in business," Vala declared.

There was a noise from inside the cell, the sound of the door banging open and shouting. Daniel shot through the newly widened hole like a bullet and Sam was already pulling her vest back on and ready to hit anyone other than Teal'c or Cam following him. Cam and then Teal'c struggled through the gap, Teal'c with the most difficulty as the villagers appeared to grab hold of him. Vala used her stick to whack a few enterprising knuckles that were clinging to his jacket when they came into sight. They let go and Teal'c rolled almost gracefully onto the forest floor.

"A Prior?" Sam asked.

"I'm not sure," Cam asked.

"But lets not stay around to find out," Daniel suggested.

Then they were up and running through the trees back towards the Stargate and behind them the villagers gave indignant shouts. When Sam glanced back she could see them streaming through their escape route and giving chase.

XXXX

"Welcome back SG1," General Landry told them when they stumbled through the gate. He glanced at his watch, "And only four hours overdue."

Cam glanced at his watch and shrugged slightly, "A little trouble with the natives."

"I can't wait to hear about it in the briefing at 1100 hours, dismissed."

They handed over their weapons and Sam pointed towards the locker room, "Shower."

"Guys first," Cam declared.

"What happened to ladies first?" Vala protested. She'd latched onto some cultural elements like super glue.

"a) Sam is like lightening, but _you_ take ages and b) we smell worse," Cam argued.

"I'll just go use the women's locker room," Sam suggested.

"I said we'd be back in time for Christmas," Cam said triumphantly.

"With a whole five days to spare," Daniel said slightly patronisingly.

"So, what are we doing for Christmas?"

"Well I'm going to go see my brother and his family," Sam said.

"I thought I'd take the opportunity to go and visit Jack," Daniel told her. Sam nodded to suggest that it was a good idea.

"I mean as a team," Cam said with a wave.

"We're not doing a team Christmas," Daniel said firmly.

"C'mon, it'll be fun." Cam switched his pleading from Daniel to Sam, "You're with me on this one Sam, right?"

"Oh no, our team gatherings aren't known for running smoothly. I want a nice normal Christmas"

"But, Vala and Teal'c! Think of the aliens!"

"I have experienced several Christmases of different traditions over the years, I feel no need to experience more."

Cam sighed loudly, "Fine, fine."

Vala was quietly disappointed, but kept it to herself.

XXXX

"Sam"

"Vala? I assume you know its three am. Why are you calling me?"

"I don't know what to get everyone for Christmas"

"And for that you call me in the middle of the night?" Sam relaxed back onto the bed and rubbed her face.

"It's important"

"Not three a.m. important. I am confident that you will think of something."

"But what if I don't? You were very clear on the give to receive part of this holiday."

"It doesn't matter. I promise that I will give you a gift regardless of whether you give me one."

"Really?"

"Yes Vala. I've already bought it."

There was a pause on the other end and then, "What about the boys?"

"I am sure they will too. I think your first Christmas on earth is free. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," she didn't sound convinced.

"Go back to sleep"

"I wasn't asleep. I'm online looking up gift ideas. Apparently wind-up racing grannies are big this year."

"Well, I'm going back to sleep, night Vala."

"Night Sam"

Sam put the phone back and rolled over in bed. As she fell back asleep a little voice asked if Vala unleashed on the Internet with a credit card was a good idea, but it was overruled by her falling back asleep.

XXXX

When she heard the knock on the door Vala quickly slid a glossy magazine over her copy of a Brief History of Time and slid the paper she'd been making notes on under her pillow. She quickly cultivated an attitude of casual disinterest in the world and pretended to be thoroughly invested in who had worn what at some event in a city Vala had never been to attended by people she'd never met.

"Come in," she called and wiggled her toes in the air behind her from where she lay on her stomach on her bed.

Sam stuck her head around the door and took in the scene, "Want to get some lunch?"

"Aren't you supposed to have left already?"

"I'm flying out in the morning"

"Ahah," Vala rolled over and retrieved her shoes from beside the bed.

"What's for lunch?"

"Whatever the commissary has"

"You mean we're not eating out? But you're abandoning me tomorrow for however long," Vala paused mid-lace and looked horrified.

"Four days Vala"

"Still, we could go eat out somewhere nice," she finished tying her shoe and stood up. "With Cam in Kansas and Daniel in Washington who knows when I'll next get out of the mountain"

"You can take me out to lunch when I get back," Sam told her with obvious amusement.

"After abandoning me lunch is definitely on you"

"Deal, now can we eat?"

"I hope it's not chicken"

XXXX

The commissary was suspiciously quiet from the outside. Vala glanced at Sam, who was a lousy liar and waved Vala awkwardly towards the commissary doors. She gave her a suspicious look and walked through the doors with a good dose of bravado and a dash of apprehension.

There was no cheer, there was no loud music, but Cam was standing inside the door beaming and wearing a Santa hat.

"Merry Christmas Vala," he said brightly. She took in the rest of the room. There were streamers around the walls, holly pinned to the ceiling, festive tablecloths and a large Christmas tree in the corner. It didn't look anything like the books and magazines that Vala had used for research, but an effort had been made. She looked at the tree again. It looked like it had taken a battering on its journey down to the commissary and the star on top was wonky, but the lights and other decorations were charming.

Underneath it was a small pile of gifts.

"Thanks," Vala said simply, registering that Sam had followed her in through the doorway.

"The commissary has done a Turkey dinner. I tried to suggest my Grandma's recipe, but they didn't listen," Cam said apologetically.

"That's uh, great," Vala said.

"The gifts are for you," Daniel told her, pointing towards the tree.

Vala's eyebrows shot up, "Ooh?" She was across the room in a heartbeat.

"I give it five minutes before something goes horribly wrong," Cam predicted.

"Pessimist," Sam teased.

"Nah, it'll be at least seven, I put a lot of tape on that gift," Daniel said.


End file.
